I would first like to say that I was totally sold on trying this stuff because of the Liam Neeson quote from “Clash of the Titans”. Plus I am a big fan of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” series, as well as H.P. Lovecraft, so I know a thing or two about the Kraken. After trying this behemoth, needless to say I have some critiques.
Review :
“The Kraken” is a black spiced rum from Proximo Spirits. If you don’t know what a “Black” rum is, I’ll explain. Most rum is made from molasses. If you don’t know what molasses is, then look it up, I’m not going to explain every fucking thing to you. Anyways, in the case of black rum, it is supposed to retain a higher concentration of the molasses color and flavoring. I didn’t think to check the label to see that it was actually a black spiced rum, as opposed to a regular spiced rum like Captain Morgan. You should have seen my face when I actually tried this stuff straight up. I swear, my voice went up three octaves. It may have had something to do with the fact that this stuff rings in at 94 proof, which if you are not a professional drinker or mathematician like myself, is equal to 47% alcohol. Doesn’t seem like much when your average rum is 80 proof or 40% alcohol, but it added just enough to make this stuff a fireball of a shot. I tried it again on the rocks, and with a couple mixers, and these did seem to make an improvement, so I would highly recommend diluting this stuff before your pubic hair bursts into flames. As far as availability goes, the official website for this spirit (www.krakenrum.com) actually has a locater. So if you’d like, you can see which stores near you carry it, and even find a few bars that serve it. I also found it available at Bevmo, which means that you can probably get it shipped to you from their website, or go to the store and get it yourself you lazy fuck. The cool thing about Bevmo was that since I am a Club Bev member, the only membership every American needs besides the NRA, I was able to get the 1.75 Liter “Handle” for about $3.00 more than the smaller 750ml bottle, so there was more bang for the buck.
Now for the Breakdown :
The Bottle : I know that for some reason, a lot of people base their liquor purchases on how the bottle looks as opposed to trying something despite of it’s appearance. In this case, the bottle is nothing special. The little handles at the neck of the bottle did make pouring shots a little easier than most bottom heavy bottles, but other than that it was pretty lack luster. I would think that if you were going to name an alcohol after a mythical creature, that it would warrant a more awesome bottle. For Fuck’s sake, even water bottles have cool little waves on them.
Score : 10
The Taste : Like I said, this stuff has some heat to it. If you are going to drink it in shot form, I suggest finding a job as a lumberjack, because it will put hair on your chest, regardless of gender. I tried it again on the rocks, and it may have been the chill of the ice or the water starting to dilute the flavor a bit, but it smoothed out somewhat, and was closer to a regular spiced rum. As for how it tastes with mixers. I first tried it with coke, because who doesn’t like a good rum and coke? The obvious sweetness of the coke brought out a lot of sweetness from the rum, but left a lot of the medicinal taste. The other way I like my spiced rums is with Sprite. Not being as sweet as coke, the sprite mellowed out the flavor a bit, and the citrus played well with the spice. I am actually interested in how the Kraken would taste with some Ginger Ale, but that’s for another occasion.
Score : 15
The Buzz ; Again, this rum is only slightly stronger than your average rum. However, if you take into consideration how well the mixers altered the taste and made it more palatable, it made me want to drink this at the same rate I would drink a lighter spiced rum. Which means that extra little kick made things speed up just a little quicker than normal. I would say I had about 12 drinks over the course of an hour and a half, and had a pretty mellow buzz. However, rum is not one of those liquors that makes me an angry drunk, so I guess that is neither here nor there.
Score : 20
The Cost : I found this stuff online in the 750ml bottle for about $19.99. Which is pretty average for what could be considered a “Premium” liquor like your Johnny Walkers and such. Cool thing about being a Club Bev member though was that when I went into the store to buy it, I was able to get a sale price on the larger bottle and only paid about $23.00. Moral of the story? Find a discount wherever you can. For the price I paid to get the larger bottle, this was totally worth it, but again you need to take the time to become a member.
Score : 20
Total Score : 65
Being that there are a few steps that you would have to take to make this particular drink taste fairly appetizing, and to get the best value on it, I would say that you’re better off with something else. However, if your curiosity gets the best of you and you really want to try this stuff, I do recommend at the very least mixing it with something so that you don’t think you completely wasted your money. Drink up me hearties.
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