Crystal Head Vodka

This particular bottle of vodka had the ability of flying off the shelves because it had the free marketing benefit of being released around the same time as the last Indiana Jones film. However, don’t let the fact that the movie sucked ass deter you from trying it. Let the fact that I may or may not say that it sucks deter you though. I like having the ability to sway opinion.

Review :

If you haven’t seen Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, consider yourself lucky. If you were already aware of the myth of the crystal skulls because of some anthropology class or you watch too much History channel, then you are amongst the ranks of one of the creative minds behind the Vodka, Dan Aykroyd. That’s right, the other Ghostbuster that mattered besides Bill Fucking Murray. Back to the booze. This particular vodka is distilled four times, which is at least once more than your standard bottle of vodka. Whether or not that makes a difference in taste, I have yet to see. The thing that sets this one apart from every other one I have every had is that it is filtered a total of 6 times. Three times through charcoal filtration and another three times through what are known as Herkimer diamond crystals. If you can’t guess what those are, then maybe you shouldn’t be drinking, but that’s right, this vodka is filtered through actual crystals. Also, Crystal Head Vodka contains no additives like citrus oil, glycerin, sugar, or synthetic flavorings, which means that it’s considered Kosher, so drink up Jews! All in all, the entire process that this stuff goes through is what makes it one of the smoothest, best tasting vodkas I have ever had. No hyperbole, straight fact. When I was drinking the bottle I had, I was knocking back shots back to back. It left no aftertaste, and was so good that I drank the remainder of it from a glass with a few ice cubes. It makes me wonder if the taste would have bee severely affected if they were to try and up the alcohol content from 40% to maybe 50 or 60, but I could care less if they actually do because this stuff is great on its own.  My bottle was actually a gift, so before now I had never bothered to check on the availability of this particular product. However, like The Kraken, the official website (www.crystalheadvodka.com) has a “Where to Buy” tab to see if anyone near stocks it. I can say that while shopping around town I have seen it at both BevMo and Sam’s Club, so if you want to check either of those places, you might get lucky. Otherwise I’d say check out the website, because you can also find cool stuff like Skull Head Cufflinks. I would order some, but I’m ghetto.


Breakdown :

The Bottle : Being a fan of having skulls on things as decoration (Thanks Stone Cold Steve Austin), I thought the bottle was the coolest fucking thing ever. You can’t go wrong with it. Also, once you finish the vodka, if you’re into this kind of thing, find a way to use it as a decoration like filling it with colored water, or even having two of them as book ends. This stuff doesn’t have a screw on top like your Smirnoff, it has a cork like Belvedere, so I imagine you can come up with a million ways to use the empty bottle. I can’t, but I’m not creative.

Score : 25

The Taste : Like I said, this was easily the smoothest vodka I have had since I was in Junior High School. Don’t judge me. Anyways, it was great as a shot, left know after taste, and didn’t have that initial mouth burn that you get from your cheaper vodka. When mixed with coke, it kind of altered the taste of the soda, so I would probably suggest mixing it with some kind of juice if you like ruining the flavor of your vodka. Yes, vodka is the one time I’ll be a purist with my liquor. I preferred mine on the rocks.

Score : 25

The Buzz : I have to admit, for being as good as it is, it took a while for me to get a buzz. I drank mine pretty quick, but didn’t really feel too much till almost half the bottle was gone. I know for most people, vodka sneaks up on you and if you drink too much it hits you like a ton of bricks. I don’t know if it’s just because of how well this stuff is filtered, but I didn’t have that happen at all. I probably could have finished 2 or even 3 bottles based on the buzz I had, but who knows, maybe you’ll respond differently.

Score : 15

The Cost : This is yet another “Premium” liquor, so you can expect a premium price to go with it. I have seen the 1.75 Liter bottles go from anywhere between $120 to $90, so if you are going to go big, then that’s the way to go. The smaller 750 ML bottle go between $40 to $50, so a little more than say a Belvedere normally costs. If you just want to try the stuff out and see if it’s worth the money, they also sell small 50 ML skull bottles for about $7 at Bevmo.

Score : 15

Total Score : 80

If you can afford it, I would say that this is probably the best vodka you could buy. Granted I haven’t tried every single one on the market, but I am on my way. Seriously though, if I ever won the lotto, this would be all I drank, screw water. I do know that the cost may be a reason for people to avoid it, but you do always get what you pay for. So if you’re feeling adventurous, give Crystal Head Vodka a try, if not, you probably aren’t very fun at parties.

Cheers.