Daily's Ready to Drink Cocktails

So I kind of went out of the box with this one. I know this isn’t specifically a liquor per say, but it is still an alcoholic beverage. I grabbed one of these because frankly, I like frozen lemonade, and knew that I was going to be starting my drinking early enough that I would not have a good buzz when the Simpsons started that night. So the idea of a frozen lemonade alcoholic drink sounded like it would be a great addition to my night. Anyways, here you go.

Review :

First and foremost, I should tell you that if you read the instructions on these things, they tell you to freeze them for 8 hours before serving. In other words, if you are going to actually have one of these daily, you may as well plan on starting the next day. As inconvenient as it is to wait 8 hours for this stuff, I find that depending on your freezer, you can probably keep it in for slightly less, meaning you can have a drink a little later than expected, but at least in the same day. I personally tried both the frozen lemonade flavor as well as the margarita. I don’t know what kind of alcohol is used in these things, like whether the margarita has actual tequila and the lemonade has vodka, or if these are basically flavored wines like Mad Dog 20/20. What I do know is that when you taste these things, there is an initial freezer burn taste, followed by a blast of citric acid, and sour alcohol taste. I didn’t enjoy either one, and have to think that the wine assumption was accurate. It would appear that all of the flavors are only 5% alcohol by volume, so to get any kind of buzz, I probably would have needed to drink a gallon of them. I didn’t bother with the Iced Tea or Peach flavors because neither one sounded good, nor the Strawberry Daiquiri flavor because I am straight. So far, I have seen these things at a myriad of liquor stores, as well as some grocery stores, so if you do actually feel like trying them they shouldn’t be too hard to find. Plus their website has a store locator to make it that much easier.


Breakdown :

The Bottle : These pre-made drinks actually come in a pouch as opposed to a bottle. Now, I would seriously consider awarding points, if this pouch was in any way awesome. Like if they came with a straw and a punch hole like an adult version of a Capri-sun, that would be cool and convenient. Or even if the designated part of the pouch would tear in a way to make pouring easier. That would have helped a lot. But no, we get something that would have been better suited housing peanuts. The one good thing I will say about the packaging is that there is absolutely no confusion as to which flavor you are getting.

Score : 5

Taste : If using words like “Freezer Burn”, “Sour Alcohol”, or “Mad Dog” didn’t give you an idea, this stuff doesn’t taste very good as it is designed to be drunk. On the website they do have ideas of ways you can mix these pouches with other stuff for a fancier drink, and I have found a few websites with drink recipes that involve these things. I imagine that if you mix either the margarita or the lemonade flavors with some Sprite, it might be ok, but that just kills the alcohol content even more.

Score 10

The Buzz : You wont get one without drinking about 20 of these things. Unless you are a ridiculous light-weight and get a buzz off of one beer.

Score : 0

The Cost : If you are just looking for something to help you unwind after a long day, this might be something for you. If you are looking to get hammered, you are better off investing in something else. I purchased the flavors I tried for about $1.25 each. A pretty reasonable price for the first example, but a cost that increases exponentially if you are the second example. So it all depends on how much you like these things and how drunk you are trying to get.

Score : 15

Total Score : 30

Without a doubt, the worst thing I have reviewed so far. The price was probably the only redeeming factor for these things. I can’t recommend any specific flavor for anything other than to be used to add to a big jug of jungle juice or something. I personally would stick to mixing my own frozen beverages.

Cheers?

Kah Tequila

Yes, I have another liquor whose bottle is in the shape of a skull. What can I say? I like skulls. At least it’s not another rum, so nobody can really bitch about variety.

Review :

Firstly, I should say that the bottle I received was a gift, so I had to do a good amount of research. Other than my own opinions, don’t be surprised if you see a little recycled language. Now that that is out of the way, To the Tequila! This particular type of tequila is bottled in a skull bottle similar to the Crystal Head Vodka, only decorated in a “Day of the Dead” manner. The one I had was the Reposado, so the bottle itself was yellow, and had a cool little devil on the forehead. Kah Tequila has 3 varieties that I can tell you can choose from depending on your tastes. I personally am not much of a snob when it comes to booze, so my friend knew to get the one that had the highest alcohol content. The three varieties are obviously Blanco or white, Reposado or aged, and Anejo which is aged longer than the Reposado. The bottle of Reposado that I had was 110 proof, or 55% alcohol. It is aged 10 months in French Oak barrels, which I think created a lot of the subtle flavors. As usual, my first taste was a shot. After finding it to be surprisingly smooth for a tequila with that high of an alcohol content, I went with a glass full. This is definitely a tequila that can be sipped like a Scotch for those of you that are not a huge fan of mixed drinks like myself. There was a bit of a burn, like you would expect with a tequila, but it dies off extremely quick. Then you are left with what seemed like vanilla and cinnamon after tones. If you do like mixed drinks, you can probably try it with some orange juice and have it pair fairly well. As Far as availability goes, I know my roommate had to actually order the bottle he got me online. I have seen it on the Bevmo website, and I cannot seem to find an official website for them. So in all reality it may be a little difficult to find. However, if you do, I suggest getting a bottle in any of the varieties.


Breakdown :

The Bottle : Again, another skull shaped bottle. These ones are all decorated to look like “Day of the Dead” masks, so they are pretty macabre if you have no idea what that is about. Of the three that I have seen, there is the yellow bottle that contains the Reposado, the Tequila Blanco comes in a bottle with a white face with black designs, and the Anejo comes in a black faced bottle with white designs. If none of these are really your thing, you can easily cut the plastic wrapping and be left with a clear skull bottle. Or throw the damn thing away, I don’t care.

Score : 25

The Taste : Like I said, after an initial burn that you can expect from a liquor with this alcohol content, or a tequila in general, the taste is fairly smooth. You do get that warm feeling in your throat once you knock it back, but nothing too harsh to really deter you from drinking more of it. I drank mine straight up, no ice this time because I find that makes tequilas taste too much like medicine. If you were to mix it with anything, I would probably take the juice route, or even making a margarita out of it. If you want to do shot, then coke does almost amplify the vanilla you get after the burn wears off.

Score : 20

The Buzz : I got drunk fairly easy because I hadn’t had anything to eat before I started drinking. After a few glasses, I decided to snack on some chips, and found that I didn’t get that weird feeling you get when you start to eat after you get a buzz going. All in all, a very mellow buzz.

Score : 20


The Cost : This would be the only downside. Much like the Crystal Head Vodka, you are not only paying for a premium liquor, but the fancy bottles and shipping as well. So it gets pretty costly. I have found the full sized bottles ranging in price depending on the style that you get. Starting with the Tequila Blanco, you can find for around $45. The Reposado you can find between $45 and $50. The biggest price tag comes from the Anejo, which is usually around $60. These are all for the standard 750 ML bottles, I have yet to see anything bigger than that, but they do have the miniature Reposado 50 ML bottles available.

Score : 5

Total Score : 70

For the money, Kah it probably one of the best Tequilas I have ever had, and I have had a lot of tequila in my time. The price is pretty much the only thing that really kills this particular product. If they could cut the price of every bottle by about $20, then it would easily worth every penny. If you do find yourself grabbing a bottle, please do try it the way that I had it. Ice would just ruin it, and freezing it before drinking would just defeat the flavors and aromas that you get from it.

Cheers

Bacardi Oakheart

Yes, this is only the 3rd actual review I’ve posted, and it does feature yet another Rum. What can I say? Rum is just in this year. I’m kidding, fashion trends are for losers.

What can be said for Bacardi other than they are possible the world’s most well known brand of Rum. Sure Captain Morgan is pretty famous too, but last I checked they only had like 3 variations of their Rum. Anyways, from what I can tell, this is probably Bacardi’s first dive into the spiced rum game, and I must say, bravo. Although this particular product only rings in at 35% alcohol, or 70 proof, it is still a damn fine liquor. Barcardi has taken their amber rums, kept them in charred American Oak (because any other kind of wood would support Communism) barrels, and let it sit for close to 3 years before spicing the mixture up. If you were to drink it straight or on the rocks, you get hints of vanilla, cinnamon, and even a kind of maple taste. All of which makes the addition of coke not only a classic combo, but a must try. And believe me, I am not just kissing their asses just because they sent me a free Oakheart Stein a while back. It did help though, the thing is pretty damn cool. Nonetheless, this stuff has all of the benefits of being a great spiced rum with the smoky flavor that you get from the charred barrels. Each shot is like a flavor explosion. Maybe now they’ll send me 2 Steins! Now, as far as finding this stuff goes, I did run into a snag. The last two products I reviewed allowed you to search for nearby locations that carry their product on their website. Unfortunately the Bacardi website is not yet up to date in allowing you to do so. I do know for a fact that both BevMo and Rite Aid carry Oakheart, as well as a bunch of Grocery stores like Raley’s and Bel Air. I have not seen it at my local liquor store, but I am sure if enough people ask then they would probably get a case to test run it.


Breakdown :

The Bottle : Standard Bacardi bottle. I am beginning to get a little disappointed with how lame these bottles look. The usual one you get is just a standard, rounded bottle, with a cool little bat on it. The bat is seriously the only selling point as far as the bottle is concerned.

Score : 5

The Taste : This was yet another liquor that definitely tastes good on the rocks. Or you can even chill it and it would probably be great on it’s own. I say probably because I usually drink my liquor warm so as to not disturb any of the flavors. It does however taste excellent with Coke, and like I said before, I enjoy my spiced rums with Sprite which is equally as delicious. All in all, excellent flavor.

Score : 25

The Buzz : This stuff is about 5% less alcohol by volume than other rums. However, if you buy in bulk like I do, there will be no problem getting a good buzz from it. I think the fact that it actually does contain less alcohol may be what makes it slightly more pleasing to the taste buds. The best part was that I didn’t get that weird stomach feeling in the morning that you get from some sweeter liquors, so I had not real hangover symptoms. Not that I ever would anyways because I don’t get hungover.

Score : 20

The Cost : Oakheart is surprisingly cheap, especially when comparing to other brands like a Captain Morgan. I was able to find the 750 ML bottle for between $11-$13. An even better deal is the 1.75 Liter bottle, which I was able to get for $20 a bottle. Since it is more available than the other products I have reviewed so far, you can probably find it for a good sale price. Considering all the other factors, this stuff is a good deal even if you do pay the suggested retail price.

Score : 25


Total Score : 75

Everything taken into consideration, this is probably my new favorite spiced rum. It mixes well and tastes great on its own. Something that you would probably never hear me say about Captain. And for the price, and how available it is, you would be crazy not to try it. Also, if you follow Oakheart on Facebook, they do have contests all the time, so who knows, you might get a free stein too. Probably not, but who knows, I’m just a professional drinker not Nostrafuckingdamus.

Cheers

Crystal Head Vodka

This particular bottle of vodka had the ability of flying off the shelves because it had the free marketing benefit of being released around the same time as the last Indiana Jones film. However, don’t let the fact that the movie sucked ass deter you from trying it. Let the fact that I may or may not say that it sucks deter you though. I like having the ability to sway opinion.

Review :

If you haven’t seen Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, consider yourself lucky. If you were already aware of the myth of the crystal skulls because of some anthropology class or you watch too much History channel, then you are amongst the ranks of one of the creative minds behind the Vodka, Dan Aykroyd. That’s right, the other Ghostbuster that mattered besides Bill Fucking Murray. Back to the booze. This particular vodka is distilled four times, which is at least once more than your standard bottle of vodka. Whether or not that makes a difference in taste, I have yet to see. The thing that sets this one apart from every other one I have every had is that it is filtered a total of 6 times. Three times through charcoal filtration and another three times through what are known as Herkimer diamond crystals. If you can’t guess what those are, then maybe you shouldn’t be drinking, but that’s right, this vodka is filtered through actual crystals. Also, Crystal Head Vodka contains no additives like citrus oil, glycerin, sugar, or synthetic flavorings, which means that it’s considered Kosher, so drink up Jews! All in all, the entire process that this stuff goes through is what makes it one of the smoothest, best tasting vodkas I have ever had. No hyperbole, straight fact. When I was drinking the bottle I had, I was knocking back shots back to back. It left no aftertaste, and was so good that I drank the remainder of it from a glass with a few ice cubes. It makes me wonder if the taste would have bee severely affected if they were to try and up the alcohol content from 40% to maybe 50 or 60, but I could care less if they actually do because this stuff is great on its own.  My bottle was actually a gift, so before now I had never bothered to check on the availability of this particular product. However, like The Kraken, the official website (www.crystalheadvodka.com) has a “Where to Buy” tab to see if anyone near stocks it. I can say that while shopping around town I have seen it at both BevMo and Sam’s Club, so if you want to check either of those places, you might get lucky. Otherwise I’d say check out the website, because you can also find cool stuff like Skull Head Cufflinks. I would order some, but I’m ghetto.


Breakdown :

The Bottle : Being a fan of having skulls on things as decoration (Thanks Stone Cold Steve Austin), I thought the bottle was the coolest fucking thing ever. You can’t go wrong with it. Also, once you finish the vodka, if you’re into this kind of thing, find a way to use it as a decoration like filling it with colored water, or even having two of them as book ends. This stuff doesn’t have a screw on top like your Smirnoff, it has a cork like Belvedere, so I imagine you can come up with a million ways to use the empty bottle. I can’t, but I’m not creative.

Score : 25

The Taste : Like I said, this was easily the smoothest vodka I have had since I was in Junior High School. Don’t judge me. Anyways, it was great as a shot, left know after taste, and didn’t have that initial mouth burn that you get from your cheaper vodka. When mixed with coke, it kind of altered the taste of the soda, so I would probably suggest mixing it with some kind of juice if you like ruining the flavor of your vodka. Yes, vodka is the one time I’ll be a purist with my liquor. I preferred mine on the rocks.

Score : 25

The Buzz : I have to admit, for being as good as it is, it took a while for me to get a buzz. I drank mine pretty quick, but didn’t really feel too much till almost half the bottle was gone. I know for most people, vodka sneaks up on you and if you drink too much it hits you like a ton of bricks. I don’t know if it’s just because of how well this stuff is filtered, but I didn’t have that happen at all. I probably could have finished 2 or even 3 bottles based on the buzz I had, but who knows, maybe you’ll respond differently.

Score : 15

The Cost : This is yet another “Premium” liquor, so you can expect a premium price to go with it. I have seen the 1.75 Liter bottles go from anywhere between $120 to $90, so if you are going to go big, then that’s the way to go. The smaller 750 ML bottle go between $40 to $50, so a little more than say a Belvedere normally costs. If you just want to try the stuff out and see if it’s worth the money, they also sell small 50 ML skull bottles for about $7 at Bevmo.

Score : 15

Total Score : 80

If you can afford it, I would say that this is probably the best vodka you could buy. Granted I haven’t tried every single one on the market, but I am on my way. Seriously though, if I ever won the lotto, this would be all I drank, screw water. I do know that the cost may be a reason for people to avoid it, but you do always get what you pay for. So if you’re feeling adventurous, give Crystal Head Vodka a try, if not, you probably aren’t very fun at parties.

Cheers.

Release the Kraken….

I would first like to say that I was totally sold on trying this stuff because of the Liam Neeson quote from “Clash of the Titans”. Plus I am a big fan of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” series, as well as H.P. Lovecraft, so I know a thing or two about the Kraken. After trying this behemoth, needless to say I have some critiques.

Review :

“The Kraken” is a black spiced rum from Proximo Spirits. If you don’t know what a “Black” rum is, I’ll explain. Most rum is made from molasses. If you don’t know what molasses is, then look it up, I’m not going to explain every fucking thing to you. Anyways, in the case of black rum, it is supposed to retain a higher concentration of the molasses color and flavoring. I didn’t think to check the label to see that it was actually a black spiced rum, as opposed to a regular spiced rum like Captain Morgan. You should have seen my face when I actually tried this stuff straight up. I swear, my voice went up three octaves. It may have had something to do with the fact that this stuff rings in at 94 proof, which if you are not a professional drinker or mathematician like myself, is equal to 47% alcohol. Doesn’t seem like much when your average rum is 80 proof or 40% alcohol, but it added just enough to make this stuff a fireball of a shot. I tried it again on the rocks, and with a couple mixers, and these did seem to make an improvement, so I would highly recommend diluting this stuff before your pubic hair bursts into flames. As far as availability goes, the official website for this spirit (www.krakenrum.com) actually has a locater. So if you’d like, you can see which stores near you carry it, and even find a few bars that serve it. I also found it available at Bevmo, which means that you can probably get it shipped to you from their website, or go to the store and get it yourself you lazy fuck. The cool thing about Bevmo was that since I am a Club Bev member, the only membership every American needs besides the NRA, I was able to get the 1.75 Liter “Handle” for about $3.00 more than the smaller 750ml bottle, so there was more bang for the buck.

Now for the Breakdown :

The Bottle : I know that for some reason, a lot of people base their liquor purchases on how the bottle looks as opposed to trying something despite of it’s appearance. In this case, the bottle is nothing special. The little handles at the neck of the bottle did make pouring shots a little easier than most bottom heavy bottles, but other than that it was pretty lack luster. I would think that if you were going to name an alcohol after a mythical creature, that it would warrant a more awesome bottle. For Fuck’s sake, even water bottles have cool little waves on them.

Score : 10

The Taste : Like I said, this stuff has some heat to it. If you are going to drink it in shot form, I suggest finding a job as a lumberjack, because it will put hair on your chest, regardless of gender. I tried it again on the rocks, and it may have been the chill of the ice or the water starting to dilute the flavor a bit, but it smoothed out somewhat, and was closer to a regular spiced rum. As for how it tastes with mixers. I first tried it with coke, because who doesn’t like a good rum and coke? The obvious sweetness of the coke brought out a lot of sweetness from the rum, but left a lot of the medicinal taste. The other way I like my spiced rums is with Sprite. Not being as sweet as coke, the sprite mellowed out the flavor a bit, and the citrus played well with the spice. I am actually interested in how the Kraken would taste with some Ginger Ale, but that’s for another occasion.

Score : 15

The Buzz ; Again, this rum is only slightly stronger than your average rum. However, if you take into consideration how well the mixers altered the taste and made it more palatable, it made me want to drink this at the same rate I would drink a lighter spiced rum. Which means that extra little kick made things speed up just a little quicker than normal. I would say I had about 12 drinks over the course of an hour and a half, and had a pretty mellow buzz. However, rum is not one of those liquors that makes me an angry drunk, so I guess that is neither here nor there.

Score : 20

The Cost : I found this stuff online in the 750ml bottle for about $19.99. Which is pretty average for what could be considered a “Premium” liquor like your Johnny Walkers and such. Cool thing about being a Club Bev member though was that when I went into the store to buy it, I was able to get a sale price on the larger bottle and only paid about $23.00. Moral of the story? Find a discount wherever you can. For the price I paid to get the larger bottle, this was totally worth it, but again you need to take the time to become a member.

Score : 20

Total Score : 65

Being that there are a few steps that you would have to take to make this particular drink taste fairly appetizing, and to get the best value on it, I would say that you’re better off with something else. However, if your curiosity gets the best of you and you really want to try this stuff, I do recommend at the very least mixing it with something so that you don’t think you completely wasted your money. Drink up me hearties.